I’m going to be keeping myself unknown through all of this simply because i don’t want someone finding out who i am and telling people i love and care about what i’m doing.
So here’s my story to tell.. When i first stared high school i was a size 8/10 in clothes this was when i was the age of 11 but when i was young i never took notice of my weight it was when i was surrounded by food and got into year 9 i started to gain loads of weight. Now at the age of 19 it’s all i ever think about. I’m not going to lie i eat food because i love it but then feel very guilty after. I’ve decided i can no longer go on with the way i look i’ve felt suicidal, i’ve harmed myself, i have scars, stretch marks. I cry myself to sleep most nights because i hate the way i am and feel. If it’s sunny and i mean boiling hot i have to wear a jacket because i’m concious about my body. I have no self confidence what so ever. If someone approaches me the first thing i think is are they thinking how ugly i am or how big i am? I feel when i walk out everyone’s looking at me and making nasty comments behind my back. I can see people staring at me. I’ve been bullied at school and normally the first hate comment is ‘fat’ ‘fatty’. I hate myself and i’ve never had a boyfriend. I just want to be loved and feel beautiful, it feels impossible. I’m crying now thinking about how disgusting i am and life shouldn’t be this way. I look in the mirror and i’m just disgusted in myself i think to myself what things i would gain in life if i was skinny. I would have confidence maybe find true love just might get attention and someone telling me i’m beautiful. Today 30/03/2012 is the day i will make a change.
I’ll keep you all posted with what i eat daily from now on and how it’s all going.